Laboratory Results Reveal Kells' Reproductive System Might Be More Than Just A Tasty Treat
In yet another over hyped cell phone study, the "Journal of Fertility and Sterility" finds that frequent cell phone use can reduce men's sperm count dramatically within a short period of time. Out of 361 men that were seeking infertility treatment, the majority of the men that used their cell phone frequently showed a major decline in their sperm count. It's a known fact that the electromagnetic energy from cell phones can damage tissue as well as DNA, however there's never been a direct connection to male sperm in terms of exposure to mass consumption of electromagnetic energy. This is great news for guys like me who aren't in a rush to have kids. It's funny and possibly disturbing but I remember reading years ago that Mountain Dew helps to lower men's sperm count. For 8 months straight my entire diet was based on Mountain Dew. From Captain Crunch & Mountain Dew, to Mountain Dew chicken noodle soup, hell I even tried Mountain Dew spaghetti. Well good news for me - I can reframe from Mountain Dew and focus on new techniques that will allow me to talk on my cell phone while performing a wide variety of sexual positions. Sounds fun....gee willy I love science research - seems like you can munipulate just about anything.
...Speaking of sperm. After doing research on the study mentioned above I was more than curious to know the condition of my sperm count. After spending time with a local laboratory to determine the quality of my sperm I realized all these years of bragging were nothing more but the modest truth in it's purest form. After doctors took many tests and thoroughly examined the results it was clear that my sperm was unquestionably abnormal. One doctor even compared the results to the "fountain of youth." A mixture of genetics, hormones, and my diet have contributed to this undeniable gift. Sorry ladies, all appointments for oral consumption are booked til August, until then you'll have to take a number and stand in line. Now I'm sure you're more than baffled by my accusations but don't take my word for it. Here's the news article (Global Associated Press) to further support my claims of withholding one of the world's best kept secrets.
Just when you thought the marketing of fast-food has reached it's peak there's an invention that puts that statement to shame. I call this invention the "Nugget Cup." The Nugget Cup features enough room to store your chicken nuggets and your favorite fattening soda in the same container! It's like killing two birds with one stone. Honestly I'm somewhat of a skeptic; I'm afraid that hot sauce will somehow find it's way into my grape soda. Call me crazy but I don't see that being a delicious combination.
It's important that you flush the toilet before taking any revealing photos in the washroom.
With all this media hype on the presidential election, it's hard to ignore the most important issues. In my opinion education is number one; let's face it - the kid's are our future.
The rumors of me being a homophobe are 100% inaccurate. In that past I've turned to many gay influences for fashion advice.
Russel Simmons never fails to amaze me. His friendly relationship with his ex wife's current boyfriend seems a bit questionable.
Just when you thought the marketing of fast-food has reached it's peak there's an invention that puts that statement to shame. I call this invention the "Nugget Cup." The Nugget Cup features enough room to store your chicken nuggets and your favorite fattening soda in the same container! It's like killing two birds with one stone. Honestly I'm somewhat of a skeptic; I'm afraid that hot sauce will somehow find it's way into my grape soda. Call me crazy but I don't see that being a delicious combination.
It's important that you flush the toilet before taking any revealing photos in the washroom.
With all this media hype on the presidential election, it's hard to ignore the most important issues. In my opinion education is number one; let's face it - the kid's are our future.
The rumors of me being a homophobe are 100% inaccurate. In that past I've turned to many gay influences for fashion advice.
Russel Simmons never fails to amaze me. His friendly relationship with his ex wife's current boyfriend seems a bit questionable.
Final Thought: Isn't it funny how the same people who want "change" are the same people that were no where to be found yesterday at the voting polls. Being a hypocrite is one thing, but being totally politically unaware as to how important it is to vote is another. Unfortunately it takes some people to have the privilege of voting taking away from (felony convictions, etc.) them to clearly understand how important it is. If you didn't get a chance to vote yesterday, please cast your vote for the presidential nominee when the time comes. Otherwise when this county is in turmoil keep your opinion to your self. Because we all know the connections between "opinions" and "assholes." Yep that's right, everybody has one.
posted by Steve Kells at
11:54 PM
12 Comments:
Mr.Kells, your intellectual-cleverness never ceases to amaze me!
By the way, I tried to vote here in FL a couple weeks ago and when I got to the polls they had me down as a Republican!?! It was funny because I didn't change it since the last time I voted...so I didn't vote for anyone. Now I have to go through all this paperwork just to get it fixed, which my Dad said was the "White Man's" plan to discourage me from voting, LOL.
LMAO...U NEVER SEiZE TO AMAZE ME!...ONLY U COULD MAKE SOMETHiNG AS NASTY AS "SWALLOWiNG" SEEM SOOO iNTERESTiN! i'M EVEN MORE SHOCKED THAT THERE iS A WAiTiNG LiST TO SWALLOW YOUR CHiLDREN! SO WHAT i'M REALLY EXCiTED 2 SEE iS, SiNCE YOUR SPERM iS SO AMAZiNG, WHAT WiLL YOUR CHiLDREN BE LiKE?!?!?!
HELL NAW!!!!, YOUR A TRIP I CANT BELIEVE YOU GOT THESE LADIES DISCUSSING YOUR DAMN SPERM, THAT SHIT IS CLASSIC.
THE WHOLE GAY BLACK MAN THING IS AN OXYMORONIC TYPE THING TO ME BECAUSE HOW ARE YOU GONNA BE BLACK, AND BE GAY YOU ALREADY GOT EVERYONE GUNNING FOR YOUR ASS, AND YOU JUST GO MAKE IT WORSE..........FUCKIN PHAGS...YEAH I SAID IT FUCKING PHAGS.
LB DONT START GOIN AGAINST THE GRAIN YOU WERE ON A ROLL WITH THE CO-SIGNING DONT JUST RENIG ON MY MAN LIKE THAT. (LOL)!!!!!!!!
P.S. I HAVENT HAD ANY EXPERIMENTS OR NOTHING DONE ON MY SPERM BUT I DO OFFER SHOTGUN SEAT PRIVILEGES IN A CONTINENTAL GT (BENTLEY) TO WHOEVER WANTS TO BE A SCIENTIST, AND SEE HOW SPECIAL MY JOINTS ARE.
BAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! DiS post soooo funny. ONLY SOMEBODY LIKE U COULD make a joke out of gettin head.
Even the the news article had me and my friends dying laughing....
"One facet of the discovery that has scientists puzzled is the impact of exposure to air on the effects of the "Steve Kells-BJ" hormone. When directly exposed to oxygen, a chemical breakdown occurs within seconds, thereby rendering the effects of the semen useless. If orally ingested with no exposure to air, the benefits are preserved and maximum effects are experienced by recipients in 100% of the lab results."
LMAO, boy you are crazy!
Self-indulging, is what it's called. Sperm study is more than the reduction of it; it also (as far as making a seed) pertains to the eggs and the woman's wound. E'body stopped drinking Mountain Dew when that rumor hit the scene.
The Chicago Defender did 2 articles (Dec. 07 & Jan. 08) on an 18 year old male (same dude) and he was HIV positive. He was explaining how it spreads through the community so fast and it affects both genders because of men in the professional world be on the "down-low". Along with the husband cheating with men he also cheats with other women and have sex with them as if they were some "consistency".
Lost in Transition (LiT), is an independent self proclaimed website designed, owned, and managed by Steve Kells. Views on this website are expressed for the sole purpose of entertainment. These views are also intended for a more mature audience, an audience that won't take offense to the following.
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Vulgarity
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Nudity
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Christianity
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Freedom of speech
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Racial Stereotypes
J.S.R, has broke new ground with his/her wit, congrats you are the next apprentice!!!
Hey, but whoever it is has a good point, freedom of speech is a very important part of this site, so if I decide to comment and make completely no sense while doing so, ....sue me.......im not naming anybody inparticular, BUT if i am a regular visitor, and I continually make no damn sense so what!!! (LOL). My new thing is gonna be to always leave some nonsense after every post just to pay homage to all those people in cyber space that take advantage of their freedom of speech rights on L.I.T.
Mi nombre is mateo and i like jibaritos........ hey thats my best im not good at not making sense.
Many people didn't take advantage of Super Tuesday! I tried to push the notation of voting but many women didn't vote. I asked them why didn't they exercise their right, they all had dumb reasons or none at all. Russel kickin it with dude is WEAK! I don't respect that!
What's up Lynda, where you been?
Correetion* I meant WOMB in my above statement not wound.
i BEEN HERE!!!..LOL & JUST FOR THE RECORD...i VOTED, THANK U VERY MUCH i HAVE MY STiCKER 2 PROVE iT! MATT...i LiKE JiBARiTOS TOO BROTHA! THERES THiS ONE PLACE...THEY MAKE EM SO GOOD, i ALMOST GET PREGNANT EVERYTiME i GO...LMAO =)
Tampa Lady: Republican?!! You need to fix that ASAP. Maybe it's a conspiracy.....yeah that's right, maybe "the man" is trying to get you down.
Likebrandy: Let it go lady.
Matt Cobbins: Shotgun seat privileges in a Bentley? That's hard to turn down by any means. LOL, talk about setting the bar high.
Lynda: My waiting list has been compared to FEMA's waiting list for housing Hurricane Katrina victims. To compare; sure in terms of quantity it's quite ridiculous, but the quality of the service unquestionably superb.
Just Sarcasm, Relax: If I ever decide to hire a staff here at LiT you'll definitely be first up. Your comment had me and my friends cracking up for hours. Great reference to my disclaimer.
Angelo: Glad you voted. Now remember if you can manipulate just a mere half a dozen of your rats to vote for the presidential election then consider yourself a positive impact on society. Barack would be proud.
"Utilize" your rats Angelo as if they were your own personal army.
Conclusion - with that said, I'm sure I've disturbed the minds of many, so I'll be closing these comments for now.
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